This last week has been one crazy ride. On Thursday, I found out that my previously temporary job is turning into something permanent which means a steady income until we leave. So Yay! It was such a high to finally be sure of something in the midst of all the unknowns we are facing (and will continue facing for the next few months...and years...at least).
Then Saturday came along and we took our car in to get checked. Lo and behold, our transmission is bad. I'm definitely not a skilled mechanic, nor do I know really anything at all about cars, but even I know that you do not want to have a bad transmission. Basically, it comes down to replacing a ridiculously expensive part (we're talking thousands) or buying a new car (which is not on our current "to do" list).
So I was so upset the whole weekend, trying to solve an unsolvable problem. I agonized over life being hard and kept asking myself all variations of the question "why?".
Today in sacrament meeting, my mind was everywhere. I hate to admit that I wasn't paying attention to the testimonies, but I wasn't. I was so wrapped up in our seemingly large trials, that I almost didn't hear exactly what I needed to hear. Almost all the testimonies were about stretching ourselves spiritually or taking leaps of faith. They were simple testimonies with no elaborate stories to entertain the audience. They were spoken like fact--straightforward and bizarrely simple.
The one thing that I gathered was to have hope. No one told me where to find a FREE brand new car or how to grow a money tree. Our car issues are far from being over and we still have no clue what to do. But I have something that I didn't have yesterday...hope.
It's pretty ridiculous how upset I was (and still am to a certain extent). I'm so positive that I'm going to look back on this in a year and think "man, why can't I have more problems like that? I could fix that." I'm sure that living in a small, dingy apartment in a large and strange new city, getting coffee for people that may or may not deserve it while we try and climb the corporate ladder, pinching every penny we earn, and living off top ramen will rock the boat.
I just pray that if that time comes, when it comes, I'll be able to remember to have hope even when it doesn't seem like there is any, or at least any reason to have it.
I want to look back on this problem with two insights in mind.
I want to say, "hey, we fixed a broken transmission issue when we were broke college students. We can get through ___ (whatever the bigger problem may be)."
And and I want to be able to say, "And I thought a busted car was a big deal. I knew nothing back then. I should have been more thankful for problems like that!"
This weekend I realized some things I probably should have realized years ago:
1. Life sucks sometimes but you just have to get over it and move on. Bad things happen and though being optimistic doesn't make it any less bad, it certainly makes it easier to want to try and get through it.
2. Life is horribly unpredictable, but how boring would it be if we knew everything before it happened? Besides, no one likes a know-it-all.
3. Life is totally wonderful. Part of me can't comprehend the fact that I truly believe that in lieu of our current situation, but I know that good things will come our way if we are obedient and humble and faithful. We can't know how sweet the sweet is without the most bitter of bitters.
There will come a time when we'll all be able to "cash in our blessings" and all our trials will be worth it. In fact, I'm pretty sure we'll be thinking that we could have handled a lot more in comparison to the greater rewards.
